Obedience to parents has become a
problem these days. Because the relationship between parents and children is
based on a lack of understanding and parents’ autocratic behavior derived from
the ancient conception of relationship. The idea is not tenable now and is
neither working nor workable in the present day environment and amid-st the
prevalence of democratic values and ideals across the globe. To a large extent,
the clamor and outcry at the disobedience of the children can be ascribed to
failings of parents.
The Hindu Shastra’s ideas or
sentiments: To please father is to please God; mother is superior to heaven and
the Sharia’s (Islamic): A child’s heaven lies at the feet of her mother, and
the Chiness philosopher Confucius’ teachings to respect and obey parents, have
led, it seems, to the elevation of parents and unquestioning obedience and
devotion of children to their parents. The epics, Mahabharat and Ramayana
illustrate the ideal in Pandabas and Ram. Baijid Bostami the saint who stood
all night with a glass of water beside his ailing mother who asked for it and
fell asleep and Ishwarchandra Biddyasagar a pundit, a social reformer and a
pioneer of Bengali prose swam the River Damodar at night when nothing was
available to cross the river to meet his mother’s call are modern and unique
incidents. Such ideal is practiced not only for religious instruction, there
also exists deep love and matchless attachment for each other. Moreover, such
conduct is possible only from persons of lofty and noble character and of high
ideals of humanity. If our children can follow them, very good.
If they cannot, they should not
be censured or looked down upon. For these ideals are unworkable in our present
social conditions and mental make-up and outlook of our modern men, women and
children. In the circumstances the parents pursuing the old manner at least
their authoritarian conduct make the whole relationship more difficult for the
children and force them to be unmanageable, unruly or disobedient. The parents,
moreover are happy to forget or intentionally forget that their children are
more intelligent, self conscious and knowledgeable, much more exposed to the
press and electronic media and are much aware of what is happening around them
than the children of a few decades ago. So it is essential that truth or
reality should not be concealed from their boys and girls because it gives rise
to misgivings and distrust to the harm of everybody. Our parents live in an age
where democratic ideals and values are reigning around the world in a country
whose people fought, among others, for democracy in the War of Liberation and
where government is trying to establish it as a constitutional and state
responsibility. One of the chief ideals of democracy is respect for the
individual and individual freedom.
In such an atmosphere it is their
duty to behave not only democratically but to help the growth of democratic
culture in their own family and in the society. Like their predecessors, they
care much for their children unlike the parents of the west who leave their
children to the care of babysitters and school. And our parents identify the
wellbeing of their off springs with theirs so much that when they go astray the
parents specifically the father behaves like an autocrat. In his conduct he
forgets that his boys or girls have different individualities. So they need the
care and advice of friendly parents, not authoritarian manner calling for
unquestioning obedience.
Along with friendly treatment
once the children are impressed with the reasonableness, usefulness and
indispensability of obedience in life they cannot but to act in obedience to
what is being told by their parents. If a boy or girl dose not obey the teacher
to study and to do the homework can he or she be a good student or can either
of them succeed in scoring good results? And when their parents urge them to do
what the teacher has asked for by reading or working in the morning and in the
evening, are they not right? Undoubtedly they are. In fact, the urging makes
for the success and benefit of their wards, for peace and order of the family.
A cricket match or a football is not conducted orderly and successfully without
an umpire or a referee. In an organization the head or the superior persons are
obeyed because disobedience will leave the organization disorderly and it
cannot achieve the goal for which it is setup. The boys or girls are to
understand that obedience in organized life whether of a family or an
organization or a team or groups of persons or society ensures peace, progress
and order and ultimately the achievement of their goals. Some people think that
obedience interferes with the developments of children’s personality and
freedom. They are entirely mistaken. It helps the progress in the right
direction, promotes controlled freedom and discourages unlicensed liberty.
The very important stimulants for
children’s reverence and obedience are parents’ love and concern for them and
their experience. Parents have gone through toils, trials and tribulations and
obtained self-control, patience and restraint. Children can learn from how to
control their ungoverned dreams, desires, wishes, hopes and aspirations. And
they can take up what is of supreme importance the universally recognized and
accepted standard of living. It is a norm where humanity, love, justice and
honesty prevail. And it is in contrast with the current pervasive corruption
and moral erosion where virtually everything is measured by money, power and
position.
